Dee's Grimm Fairy Tales
by kit yang
Summary: After Ryo hears Dee's fairy tale, he decides he wants more and involves everyone at the precinct.
1. Tale One: The BikkyBread Man

Disclaimer: Kit_Yang vs.Sanami Matoh  
  
^*o*^:Damn it, Ryo and Dee got away! I was THIS close to owning them...  
  
^*^o^*: I, the great Sanami Matoh owns Ryo, Dee, and all of FAKE!  
  
Dee's stories are parodies of Grimm's Fairy Tales and some Disney classics.  
  
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Dee's Grimm Fairy Tales  
  
Told By: Kit_Yang +^-^+  
  
Tale One: The Bikky-Bread Man (@o@)  
  
Ryo McLean sighed heavily as he tried to concentrate. His day couldn't possibly be any worse. Dropping his pencil, Ryo took a sip of his coffee, only to put it down. Seems the coffee had gone cold. Nothing was going right. It all started this morning. Waking up to the sounds of Dee and Bikky arguing ruined his moment of silence and peace. Getting up, Ryo freshened up and started breakfast. After making sure Bikky wasn't going to ditch school, Ryo and Dee headed to work.  
  
New York Traffic was pretty bad in the mornings. All you could hear were shouts of "Hey you!" and "Get going already!". Not to mention the sound of horns honking in every direction. Just when things were about to go good, it started pouring. Arriving at the precinct, Ryo and Dee had to run through the rain because Dee's umbrella was nowhere to be found. Breathing in deeply, the blonde man tried his best to relax and finish up his paperwork. Staring as words started to scramble and blur in front of him, Ryo started burning up. Trying to focus his vision, Ryo was surprised when a warm hand touched his forehead.  
  
"Baby, you alright?" Dee asked hesistantly. Feeling Ryo's forehead, Dee knew his lover was catching a fever. Thank God he peeked at Ryo before continuing his work. He was about to write something down when he managed to look up and see how pale Ryo was. Going to his lover's side, Dee took Ryo's face in his hands.  
  
"Huh?...Dee?...uh, yeah...heh, I'm o-okay." Ryo said with a weak smile. Taking quick breaths, Ryo tried his best to stay awake. Eyes closing, losing himself in the warmth of Dee's touch, Ryo fell foward. With quick reflexes, Dee caught Ryo in his arms. Caressing the blonde's cheek, Dee knew it wasn't good. His Ryo was sick. Shouting over for Drake to give Rose a message, Dee carried Ryo in his arms and headed home.  
  
Arriving at their home, Dee entered their apartment still carrying Ryo. They were alone, thank God. Bikky would've accused him of doing something to Ryo which would only lead to another argument. As if he and the boy didn't already have enough problems going on. Taking Ryo into the bedroom, Dee changed Ryo's clothes, and dressed him in some plain silk pajamas. Laying Ryo on the bed, Dee brought the blankets up and kissed his lover on his cheek. Smiling warmly, Dee went into the kitchen to bring a towel and place it on his baby's forehead.  
  
A bowl of cold water and a towel in the other, Dee came back and simply stared at how vulnerable his lover was. Sitting on the edge of the bed, Dee placed the drenched towel on Ryo's forehead. 'I'm sorry baby' Dee thought. Lightly stroking his lover's cheek, Dee leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the forehead. Waking up slowly, Ryo opened his eyes as he felt Dee's light kiss. Staring up and losing himself in dark loving eyes, Ryo smiled and whispered,"Sorry koi..."  
  
Shaking his head back and forth, Dee took Ryo's face in his hands. Kissing Ryo lightly on the lips, Dee told him,"I love you." Wanting to cuddle with Dee, Ryo patted the bed, gesturing Dee to join him. Smiling, Dee moved the covers and got into the bed. Removing the towel and placing it back in the bowel, Dee reached for the covers. Turning to the side, Dee cuddled Ryo from behind, giving him light kisses on the neck. Holding eachother and enjoying one another's warmth, Dee and Ryo laid in bed as the minutes rolled by. Unable to sleep, Ryo stroked Dee's hands and whispered lowly:   
  
"Koi...tell me a bedtime story."  
  
"What do you want to hear?" Dee asked as he breathed in the smell of Ryo.  
  
"I don't care...anything...as long as I can hear your voice."  
  
Hugging Ryo closer, Dee laid in silence, trying to think of a good story. Smiling, Dee gave Ryo a light squeeze and began unwinding his tale:  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
[Narrator:Dee]  
  
"There once was a man who lived with his gorgeous lover. Now, the man was a tall, dark and handsome guy with green eyes and his name was Dee. He had midnight black hair and a smile to die for. Well, he lived in a little house with a drop dead gorgeous Japanese-American who went by the name of Ryo."  
  
Snickering, Ryo smiled as he continued to listen to Dee's ridiculous tale about them. Noticing that Ryo was enjoying his story, Dee continued.  
  
[In the story: Dee and Ryo at home]  
  
"Uh, Ryo...are you getting a cold?" Dee asked, looking around at the walls.   
  
"Anou...aaaachoooooo! I don't think I am" Ryo replied.  
  
"That's strange...someone must be talking about you" Dee said, stroking his chin.  
  
[Narrator:Dee]  
  
  
  
"Well, Ryo and Dee were happy. Everyday, they would go to work and afterwards, Ryo would cook and bake some cookies or goodies for dessert. One day, Ryo got bored of baking the same old pastries. He wanted to try something new...he wanted a challenge. So one day, Ryo and his lover went into the market for some supplies. They stopped by a booth, filled with cakes and cookies of all sorts of colors. It was a baker's dream come true."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
[The Present: Dee and Ryo]  
  
"Heh heh heh heh. Anou, Dee...don't you think that's a bit too much?" Ryo laughed as he imagined this rainbow treasure of delights.  
  
"Hush, this is my story...do you want me to continue or not?" Dee asked, pretending to pout.  
  
"Gomen Dee...please, continue."  
  
Clearing his throat, Dee carried on:  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
[Narrator:Dee]  
  
"Anyways, Dee and Ryo were entranced as they stared at the display of yummy treats. Everywhere they looked, the two men saw figures of little people, butterflies, stars, and all sorts of interesting objects. Leaning close to the butterfly cookies, Dee was surprised when all the cookies started floating in the air, dancing and twirling to and fro. Amazed, Dee was entranced as he tried to grab it. Fluttering away from the dark-haired man's grasp, the butterfly flew to the owner of this magical place.  
  
Looking up, Dee let out a gasp and tapped Ryo on the shoulder, catching his attention. Both men stared at a beautiful blonde woman. She stood almost to their height and had a volumptous figure. Too bad he was taken, Dee thought only to be smacked in the back of his head by a jealous Ryo.  
  
"Quit drooling" Ryo scowled at Dee as he turned to greet the woman.  
  
Rolling his eyes, Dee and Ryo introduced themselves and was greeted in return.  
  
"Welcome to my Magical Shop of Pastr--"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
[The Present: Dee and Ryo]  
  
"Bwahahahhahha" Ryo laughed non-stop.  
  
"What?" Dee asked offensively as he stared at Ryo.  
  
"Hhahahahha...really Dee, a pastry magic shop...now that's a classic." Ryo replied as he tried to contain his laughter.  
  
"Hey, do you want to hear this story or not?" Dee asked impatiently.  
  
"Hai...gomen..."  
  
Hugging Ryo tight to him again, Dee continued:  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
[Narrator: Dee]  
  
"Welcome to my Magical Shop of Pastries. I am the owner, Diana Spacey" the woman replied. "I sell pastries and dreams.(Reference: The famous quote from Petshop of Horrors revised) What is your greatest desires, gentlemen?" the woman asked.  
  
"Uh...Hi, I'm Ryo McLean and this is my parnter Dee Laytner." Ryo introduced as he shook hands with Diana. "Um..see, I'm a baker and I...well, I wanted to try something new. I was tired of baking the same old boring stuff so I wanted to see if there were more challenging pastries I could make." he finished with a smile.   
  
"My, aren't you a handsome guy?" Diana replied winking.  
  
"Yeah, but he's MY guy." Dee interrupted, putting an arm around Ryo and shooting Diana a deadly look.  
  
"Dee..." Ryo scowled as he warned his lover.  
  
"Hehhehehehehe...." Diana snickered as she brought a hand to her mouth. "Possessive aren't we? I like you...But let's get down to business. I sell magic pastries, or shall I say I sell a rainbow potion for pastries." Pointing to the butterfly that flew around her, Diana continued.  
  
"See this beauty here? She floats as if she were real. She brings joy to people as she entertains and at the same time, quenches their hunger. She's made with a drop of rainbow essence, powdered sugar, and most of all...love. But, only one who enjoys the art of baking most can bring forth this beautiful creation. I can give it to you...for a measely one grand." Diana added with a wink.  
  
"WHAAT!!!!!! You expect me to pay that much for a lousy bottle of rainbow essence?" Dee shouted, pointing an accusing finger to Diana.  
  
Pouting, Diana replied,"What? One grand isn't too much to ask for. What are you, cheap?"  
  
"I.AM.NOT.CHEAP!" Dee growled as Ryo held him back from Diana.  
  
"Well, one grand is my final offer so you either take it or leave it!" the woman finished, ignoring Dee's outbursts.  
  
Holding Dee back, Ryo sweat-dropped and gave Diana a nervouse smile. "I'll take it."  
  
Smiling, Diana rang Ryo up and handed him instructions:  
  
1. Use only 1 drop of rainbow essence  
  
2. Sprinkle desired powder sugar into the recipe  
  
3. Give it some lovin'  
  
NOTE: Powdered sugar and the baker's attitude determines the outcome of the pastry. Plus, too much rainbow essence can cause bad results.  
  
Kissing Ryo on the cheek, Diana smiled as Dee started going crazy. Bidding the two farewell, Diana winked and disappeared in a blink of an eye. Pink smoke swirled in replacement of Diana's magic shop. Shouts of "I'll get you Diana!" and "Damn you!" echoed through the market as an embarassed Ryo dragged Dee home.  
  
Finally, after reaching the comfort of their home, Ryo gathered his supplies together and decided to bake while Dee sat watching him. Grumbling, Dee couldn't believe he let Ryo buy some stupid rainbow drops. While the black-eyed blonde babe busied himself preparing the flour, he accidentally got some on his shirt and face. Realizing he ruined his favorite shirt, Ryo ordered Dee to add in the remaining ingredients so he could change.   
  
Still angry at Diana and vowing vengeance, Dee went over to Ryo's concoction. Mumbling "yeah, yeah" Dee took over. Paying no attention to the instructions, Dee grabbed a pinchful of powdered sugar and used two drops of rainbow essence. Returning to the kitchen, Ryo kissed Dee's cheek and thanked him. Rolling the batter out and cutting it into a palm-sized gingerbread man, Ryo popped it into the oven. Setting the timer on, Ryo and Dee went to the living room to relax.  
  
"BOOM, BAM, BANG!" went the oven. Shouting an "Oh no, my cookie!" Ryo shot up from his seat and ran to the kitchen, Dee following behind. Opening the oven door, Ryo coughed as smoke billowed out. As soon as the smoke cleared, a small squeaky voice(chipmunk) called out:  
  
"Owwwww! You BASTARDS! I've got first-degree burns!"  
  
Confused, Ryo and Dee leaned down. What they saw shocked them: it was Ryo's gingerbread man sitting in an upright position...only, it had blonde color hair, blue eyes, dark skin, loose shoes, thuggie clothes...and it was alive.  
  
Crossing its arms in front of it, the gingerbread man stared back and forth at Dee and Ryo. Wondering if his eyes were decieving him, Dee poked a finger in the gingerbread man's tummy, causing the cookie to hit Dee in the face with his arm. Covering his pea size bruise, Dee leaped for the cookie man, only to have Ryo stop him.  
  
Pointing his stubby arm at Dee, the gingerbread man scowled: "Stop it you bozo, that tickles! Do it again and I'll smack ya! Anyways, what are your names?"  
  
Remembering his manners, Ryo shook hands with the pastry and introduced both he and Dee. Smiling, Ryo felt himself become attached to the gingerbread man. He was just so darn cute, with his thuggie clothes and street-talk attitude. Giggling to himself, Ryo asked the cookie what its name was.  
  
Acting tough and pointing to himself, the cookie replied:  
  
"I'm the Bikky-Bread Man straight from the hood...so you better not mess with me!" pointing his nose in the air.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
[The Present: Dee and Ryo]  
  
"Bikky? the gingerbread man? hahhahhahahaha who would ever thought" Ryo snickered.  
  
"Well, I was going to make him the ugly duckli--"  
  
"DEE!"  
  
"Ow! hahahhaha okay, okay....anyways...."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
[Narrator: Dee]  
  
"Annoyed, Dee eyed Bikky and brought out a cup of milk. "Hmmm...looks like an ordinary cookie to me." Without warning, Dee grabbed Bikky by the waist and trapped the cookie in his clenched fist.  
  
Struggling, the Bikky-Bread Man started squirming, uttering shouts of "Let me go dumbass" and other not-so-nice words. Ryo, on the other hand tried to get Dee to release Bikky. Trapped in Dee's fist, Bikky gave a hard kick to Dee's chin, making the man drop him. Laughing triumphantly, the Bikky-Bread Man dropped on top of the kitchen table. Skipping along, dodging Dee and Ryo's hands, the Bikky-Bread Man started laughing an evil laugh. Kicking bowls and running through the flour, the Bikky-Bread Man started shouting:  
  
"Run, run as fast as you can! You can't catch me, I'm the Bikky-Bread Ma--yelp!"  
  
"What'cha gonna do now, cookie?" Dee asked, holding Bikky by his cookie collar. Mad dogging Dee, Bikky replied:  
  
"I'm gonna kick your ass!" and started swinging his stubby arms and legs through air. Failing miserably, Bikky gave up as he stopped and crossed his arms. Laughing uncontrollably, Dee swung Bikky back and forth as tears came to his eyes. Grinning evily, Bikky swung his foot in front, hitting Dee on the forehead with his loose cookie shoe.  
  
Feeling the shoe hit him, Dee stopped and looked at Bikky. The little punk had his arms crossed and was smirking. 'I'll teach him a lesson' the raven-haired man thought. Grabbing Bikky in a tight grip, Dee wrestled with Bikky, trying to dunk the cookie man in the cup of milk. Soon, the two were bickering back and forth, challenging one another to childish games such as memory and marbles. The sun began to set as Ryo sat staring at the two. Giving up, the sandy-haired man retired to the bedroom, leaving Dee and Bikky. Night turned into day as both guys gave in to exhaustion and knocked out.  
  
Sleeping in the kitchen, Dee laid slumped back in his chair, Bikky curling up on his shoulder. Together, both guys snored in unison, getting along in their sleep."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
[The Present: Dee and Ryo]  
  
"Ne...Ryo? Are you listening?"  
  
Leaning over, Dee saw that Ryo had fallen asleep. Smiling, Dee pulled the covers up more and snuggled against Ryo. Kissing him on the cheek, Dee whispered a good night and relaxed as sleep took him over.  
  
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Moral of the Day: NEVER use more than 1 drop of Rainbow Essence!  
  
Yippee! I finished! Did you all enjoy it? I LOVED it! Who would of ever thought of mixing Fairy Tales with FAKE huh? Anyways, I can't decide whether or not I want to write more chapters...what do you guys think? Well anyways, I hope you enjoyed reading this and hopefully write me some reviews!   
  
NOTE: Reviewers  
  
Your opinion matters a lot to me, whether you are a member of ffnet or not...so please, it'd be great if you can leave me with your email so I can keep in touch with you and even ask for your opinions!+^-^+ ~Hugs and Kisses~ 


	2. Tale Two: Carol Pick Pocket Hood

Disclaimer: Kit_Yang vs.Sanami Matoh  
  
^*o*^:Damn it, Ryo and Dee got away! I was THIS close to owning them...  
  
^*^o^*: I, the great Sanami Matoh owns Ryo, Dee, and all of FAKE!  
  
Dee's stories are parodies of Grimm's Fairy Tales, some insights of Disney classics, and a little bit of Mother Goose.  
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Dee's Grimm Fairy Tales  
  
Told By: Kit_Yang +^-^+  
  
Tale Two: Carol Pick Pocket Hood (~o^)  
  
Morning arrived as the two lovers slowly awoke. Still holding eachother in one another's arms, the two snuggled under the covers conserving their body heat. Waking up, Dee leaned over Ryo and felt his temple. 'Thank God his fever's gone' Dee thought. Getting up, Dee freshened and got ready for work. Finished dressing, Dee went over to Ryo and slowly shook his blonde babe awake. Murmurming in his sleep, Dee thought Ryo was absolutely adorable. Leaning down and giving his love a peck on the cheek, Dee continued to slowly shake Ryo awake. Opening his eyes, Ryo smiled and kissed Dee's cheek in return.  
  
"Ohaiyo koibito...oh no! we're late! Dee, why didn't you wake me up?!" Ryo said frantically as he glimpsed at the clock. Jumping out of bed, Ryo hurriedly freshened up and threw on some clothes.   
  
"We would of been at work if you didn't decide to sleep in" Dee smirked as he headed into the kitchen for some coffee. Watching Ryo as he scrambled here and there, Dee decided to prepare breakfast for Ryo. Wrapping a bagel in a sandwich wrapper, Dee put it in a paper bag along with some fruits for his lover to chow down. Grabbing Ryo's breakfast, Dee headed to the door and waited for the blonde.   
  
"Hurry! What are you doing just standing there? We're gonna be late!" Ryo cried as he practically shoved the door open. As he was about to dash out the door, Dee grabbed his arms and kissed him deeply. Breaking apart, Dee winked at Ryo and went on ahead. Catching his breath, Ryo locked the door and followed behind Dee.  
  
Work seemed so long Ryo thought to himself as he sat at his desk. This was the first time he felt like doing nothing. No paperwork, no reports, nada...nothing. He didn't quite understand why...usually he would find something to keep him occupied but today was different. Propping his chin on his palm, Ryo stared at Dee. Looking up from his paperwork, Dee raised an eyebrow and asked:  
  
"Something the matter Ryo?"   
  
Laying his head down on the desk, Ryo murmured: "Hmmm...no...I just don't have the motivation to work today."   
  
"Okay, where's my Ryo and what did you do to him?" Dee pointed a finger at the stranger across from him.  
  
"Dee...what happened to the Bikky-Bread Man? Did Dee eat him or did the Bikky-Bread Man beat Dee up?" Ryo asked excitedly as he ignored Dee's question.  
  
Staring dumbly at Ryo, Dee dropped his finger and sighed. Shot down to the core Dee thought. Shaking his head back and forth, Dee started to pick up where he left off but Ryo kept interrupting him with questions concerning the Bikky-Bread Man. It got to the point where Ryo was practically reaching across the table, grabbing Dee and shaking him back and forth for answers. Kinda like bad cop, good cop.  
  
Still shaking Dee back and forth, Ryo cried: "Dee, Dee, Dee....what happened after? I'm sorry I fell asleep! I was too tired but now I'm ready! What happened to Dee and the Bikky-Bread Man? I wanna know! I wanna know!"  
  
Circulation cutting off, Dee grabbed Ryo's arms and held him still. "Geez Louise! Let me breathe!!!!!!" Letting Dee go, Ryo uttered numerous "gomen's", capturing the attention of Drake, Ted, JJ. Whispering among themselves, they gathered over to Ryo and Dee to see what was up.   
  
"Yo, Dee are you okay?"  
  
"Dude, you look wasted!"   
  
"Ahhh...Dee-senpai!!!"  
  
Drake, Ted, and JJ all mumbled to Dee while snickering. Looking at a blue Dee and a guilty strickened Ryo, the three men put two and two together. The three ganged up on the blonde and hounded him with questions.  
  
"Ryo, how could you?"  
  
"Hahahahaha playin' it rough eh?"  
  
"How dare you to that to my Dee-senpai?"  
  
Caught redhanded, Ryo looked at Drake, Ted, and JJ and laughed nervously. 'They're onto me' Ryo thought sweatdropping. Spilling the beans, Ryo pointed an accusing finger at Dee and shouted:  
  
"He MADE me do it, I swear! It's Dee's fault...yesterday I caught a fever and he told me a bedtime story and now I can't get it out of my head because all I can think about is the Bikky-Bread Man and colorful cookies made with rainbow essence I bought for one grand from Diana at a market because I was tired of baking the same old pastries and I wanted a challenge!!!!!!!" Ryo gasped, finally taking a deep breath after spouting his run-on explanation.  
  
Drake, Ted, and JJ stared at Ryo wide-eyed. Turning to Dee, the three slammed their hands on the desk, making Ryo jump. Drake grabbed Dee's shirt while Ted and JJ went to his side and grabbed his arms. Shaking Dee to and fro, the three men begged Dee to continue his story. Shouts of "What happens?", "Show me the cookies", and "Is Dee going to fall in love with JJ?" bounced off the walls of the work room and slammed into Dee.  
  
"OKAY!!!!!" Dee shouted as he stood up clenching his hair, throwing Drake, Ted, and JJ off of him. Clearing his throat, Dee fixed his messy hair and straighten himself. Sitting down on his chair Dee looked at Ryo, Drake, Ted, and JJ. Taking deep breaths, the four men waited anxiously for Dee to hurry up and continue his tale. When Dee still did not utter a single word, the four men were prepared to jump him right then and there. They all got into a pouncing position when Dee's baritone voice stopped them in mid-air:  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
[Narrator: Dee]  
  
"Well, morning came as the dish ran away with the spoon and the cow jumped over the moon. Ryo came into the kitchen and started breakfast as Dee and the Bikky-Bread Man slowly awoke. Waking up from the aroma that came from Ryo's morning meal, Dee and the Bikky-Bread Man got up and stretched their aching limbs. Coming face to face and making eye contact, both guys stared at eachother, reading one another's thoughts. Before Dee could throw Bikky off him, the little bread man jumped up and kicked Dee in the chin. Laughing triumphantly, Bikky jumped off of his mortal enemy and hid behind Ryo. Vein popping, Dee shot out of his chair and ran after the little runt, only to face a protective Ryo who was holding a spatula.  
  
"Don't even think about it." Ryo ended his statement, shooting Dee a dead serious look.  
  
"Hahhahahah loser!" the Bikky-Bread Man retorted, sticking his tongue out at Dee.  
  
Grinning evily, Dee crouched down to Bikky's level and retorted: "Careful munchkin, I wouldn't want to leave nothing but bread crumbs behind."  
  
"Owwww! What'd you do that for?" Dee asked, rubbing the the spot where Ryo smacked him.  
  
"Behave." With that, Ryo turned and resumed his cooking.  
  
Snickering behind Ryo, Bikky continued laughing as he made fun of Dee. Mumbling to himself, Dee sat at the table, cursing the day he bought Ryo that accursed rainbow essence. Breakfast was finally served as the three companions sat at the table and enjoyed their meal.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
[The Present]  
  
"But Dee-senpai, cookies can't eat!" JJ interrupted  
  
"Yeah, wouldn't that be weird? food eating food? Ted retorted.  
  
"Use your damn imaginations!" Dee scowled.  
  
"Well, they are right...wouldn't it be hard for the Bikky-Bread Man to digest food? What am I saying? He doesn't even have a digestion system." Drake scratched his head in confusion.  
  
"Look, it's my story...I can do whatever I wa--" Dee stopped as he gave up. Continuing the story once more:  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
[Narrator: Dee]  
  
"Anyways, back to what I was saying...the three companions finished their food. Well, like the brat the Bikky-Bread Man was, Dee and Ryo decided to take him out for a walk in the forest behind their hut. Skipping happily along, the Bikky-Bread Man paid no attention to his surroundings, unaware of predatory eyes that followed him everywhere. Thinking of a way to pay Bikky back for this morning, Dee smirked as he shouted:  
  
"CAAAAWWWWW!!!!!!!"(a crow's shout I guess hehehehhehe), making Bikky jump and run back to safety. Jumping onto Dee, the Bikky-Bread Man clung tightly to his shirt as he looked everywhere for the bird.  
  
"Hahhahahaha....guess you're a soft batch after all...and here you had me fooled by your thuggie attitude!" Dee laughed, trying to contain his laughter.  
  
"Dee that wasn't nice. Don't you know you could've given him a heart attack? Ryo scowled as he stared at the two.  
  
"This punk is a heartless!(Kingdom Hearts) Even if I was to give him one, he'd still be a shapeless black thing." Dee finished waving his hand around.  
  
Turning his back to them, Ryo shook his head back and forth and continued ahead. Raising an eyebrow, the Bikky-Bread Man slapped Dee across the face and jumped down. Grinning innocently Bikky skipped to Ryo's side and took his hands as the two went sight seeing. Covering his red cheek, Dee vowed vengeance as he shot imaginary beams from his eyes and cooked Bikky to a pulp. Still in la-la land, Dee didn't notice when he bumped into somebody.   
  
Hearing a "owwww" brought Dee back to earth as he stared at a certain someone.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
[The Present]  
  
"Ooh, Ooh, I know! It's the genie from Rumpelstilskin!" JJ said, raising his hands in the air like a kindergarten, waiting to be called.  
  
"Dummy, the genie is from Disney's Abu." Ted remarked as he looked over at JJ.  
  
"Really? I thought it was Aladdin?" Drake voiced his opinion.   
  
"Wait, maybe it's the dwarves!" Ryo said excitedly.  
  
Bowing his head down, Dee thought 'What did I get myself into?' as he continued to listen to Drake, Ted, Ryo, and JJ guess who the mystery person was.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
[Narrator: Dee]  
  
"Like I said, Dee bumped into a certain person without paying the slightest attention. Helping her up, Dee mentioned for Ryo and Bikky to come back. Looking down, he saw it was a girl around the age of thirteen or so. She had long reddish-brunette hair and moss colored eyes that seemed to just stare into you(I'm using descriptions from the OVA). She was also adorned with a red cape that was tied around her neck that came to her calves. Around her hands was a basket of some sort that chicks carried to picnics. Staring up at Dee, the girl spoke:  
  
"Howdy! Whatcha all doin' out here?" she asked innocently as she now saw Ryo and Bikky by Dee's side.  
  
"Takin' a walk...what abouts you red?" Dee said looking distrustingly at the girl.  
  
"I'm heading to my aunt's house..." the girl said as she beamed. "So, I'll be going along now!"  
  
"Not so fast, short stuff" Dee growled as he grabbed the girl's hood. Letting out a "yelp!", the girl dangled from Dee's hands as he lifted her up. Dropping her basket onto the ground, coins of all sorts spilled out, creating a road of gold. Ryo let out a "Hey, that's our coin bag!" as he picked it up and stuffed it back in his shirt.   
  
"A pick pocket huh?" Dee eyed the girl suspiciously.  
  
"Yup! Carol Pick Pocket Hood at your service!" Carol said as Dee dropped her. Landing with a "thump", Carol rubbed her bottom and asked nervously:  
  
"You aren't going to turn me in or anything...are ya?"  
  
"I dunno...depends on how many pockets you've picked." Dee answered.  
  
Rolling his eyes, Ryo pushed Dee to the side as he introduced himself and everyone else to Carol.  
  
"Hi Carol. My name is Ryo McLean, that's my partner Dee Laytner, and this little guy is the Bikky-Bread Man. Dee and I are law officers, so I want you to tell me something. If you tell me the reason behind all this, I may let you go. Now, give me the honest truth...why have you been pick pocketing?"  
  
Tears wielding in her eyes, Carol pulled her "I'm a damsel in distress" act and started blabbering.   
  
"Oh officer! My aunt is sick! I don't know what to do...she's been acting weird lately and--"  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
[The Present]  
  
Dee was interrupted for the upteenth time as his companions started blurting out absurd comments:  
  
"Did she eat a poison apple?" Ted questioned Dee as he jot down notes.  
  
"She caught a flu, didn't she?" Drake said as he pointed a finger at Dee.  
  
"Poor Carol" Ryo replied sympathetically.  
  
"I know! She's turning into a fish and she's needs to be set free into the ocean!" JJ offered.  
  
Dee, Drake, Ted, and Ryo looked at JJ and started pounding their heads onto their desks.  
  
"What? What did I say?" JJ asked  
  
"It's none of those reasons so just let me finish dammit! Back to the story!"  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
[Narrator: Dee]  
  
"Oh officer! My aunt is sick! I don't know what to do...she's been acting weird lately and I don't know what's wrong...sniff..that's why..that's why I've been pick pocketing cuz I have no money and I need it to buy some medicine from the docs!"  
  
Crying all over the place now, Carol Pick Pocket Hood's body shook as Ryo fell into her trap and embraced her in his arms. Dee and Bikky looked at eachother and then at Ryo. Agreeing that he was a total softie, the Bikky-Bread Man and Dee decided to walk ahead, giving the two some time alone. Walking together now, Bikky on Dee's shoulders, the two walked by a small house that looked home welcoming. Deciding to take a peek, the two peered in through the back window and saw a figure by the bed. It looked weird...almost animal like and human at the same time.   
  
"That's my auntie!" Carol Pick Pocket Hood said as she and Ryo came from behind, hand in hand.  
  
"She's been growling and howling lately...sniff...I'm afraid to visit her."  
  
Hugging his arms around her shoulders, Ryo assured her everything would be alright. Motioning for Dee to follow him, the two men entered the house and decided to check things out. As Ryo neared the figure on the bed, it appeared to be a person with square-like glasses. Under the hair cap, strands of blonde could be seen poking out of its hiding place. The blonde man became uncomfortable as he felt the piercing stare of the figure eyeing him up and down, checking out every inch of him. Swallowing nervously, Ryo inched closer and saw it was indeed a man, wearing a wolf nose (the kind that has the elastic band..you know, for halloween and stuff) with black paws peeking from beneath the sheets, and a tail that swooshed back and forth under the covers.  
  
"Ur...uh...Well my, Carol's aunt...what nice glasses you have...heh" Ryo asked nervously as he sweat-dropped.  
  
Shooting Ryo a devilish grin, the man-wolf answered:  
  
"Why my dear...the better to strip you with."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
[The Present]  
  
"Well, that's all for today" Dee announced as he made ready to go to lunch.  
  
"But Dee! We have to know what happens!" Ryo whined, followed by a "Yeah!" from Drake, a "Does the man-dog get the chicks?" from Ted, and a "When does Dee fall in love with JJ?"  
  
Dismissing them, Dee replied:  
  
"Nope, sorry guys...I'm beat...but if you guys TREAT me to lunch, I might find the energy to continue the story." His victory however crumbled when he felt a tingling sensation behind him.   
  
Feeling the barrel of a gun in the back of his head, Dee heard an arrogant voice directed to him: "I suggest you continue, Detective Laytner." Rose replied as he grinned at Dee.  
############################################################################  
  
Moral of the Day: Never fall for the "Damsel's in Distress" Act  
  
Well, Chapter 2 is here...Hahahha, I thought it was pretty funny. So did ya'll like it when JJ said Carol's aunt was becoming a fish? I know it was cheesy but hey, I couldn't think of anything else. And the genie from Disney's Abu? Now that was hilarious! +^-^+  
  
I hope you enjoyed it and hope you'll leave me some reviews! 


	3. Tale Three: The Big Bad RoseWolf

Disclaimer: Kit_Yang vs.Sanami Matoh  
  
^*o*^:Damn it, Ryo and Dee got away! I was THIS close to owning them...  
  
^*^o^*: I, the great Sanami Matoh owns Ryo, Dee, and all of FAKE!  
  
Dee's stories are parodies of Grimm's Fairy Tales, some insights of Disney classics, and a little bit of Mother Goose.  
  
############################################################################  
  
Dee's Grimm Fairy Tales  
  
Told By: Kit_Yang +^-^+  
  
Tale Three: The Big Bad Rose-Wolf ^-(0~0)-  
  
Before Rose could pull the trigger, a loud "RIIINNNGGGG!!!!!" echoed through the halls of the precinct, annoucing it was time for lunch. Shooting out of his chair, Dee gave a quick blessing to God and rushed out the door like a bolt of lightning. As soon as he got out the door, the power went out,causing a blackout. Whispers of "Huh?", "Oh my gawd! We're gonna die!", and "Damn, he got away" could be heard in the dark. A couple seconds later, the power came back on, making everyone look around them. Drake, Ted, JJ, Ryo and Rose all noticed Dee was missing. Stomping their feet on the ground and snapping their fingers in unison, the four let out a "Darn!"(Final Fantasy 8). One by one, they all filed out the door to lunch.  
  
Escaping the horde of unreasonable men, Dee gave another blessing to God as he sat in the corner booth of Sam's Cafe. Smirking and laying back in his chair, Dee let out a satisfied burped as he finished his lunch in silence. 'Whoever thought I'd be this popular?' Dee thought to himself. Picking up his drink, Dee was on the verge of taking a sip when someone jerked it out of his hands. Looking up, Dee came face to face with a serious Rose. 'How'd he find me?' Dee thought to himself.   
  
"Easy Detective Laytner. All I had to do was follow that loud mouth of yours. After all, you were shouting "freedom" as you ran from the precinct. Very unprofessional of you by the way." Plopping on the opposite side of Dee, Rose sat down and slapped a twenty dollar bill towards the dark haired detective.   
  
"How much is it going to take? Twenty?" Rose asked, arching an eyebrow.  
  
"Tch...I don't come that cheap." Dee replied, giving Rose the cold shoulder.  
  
Desperate now, Rose dug into his pocket for more cash. Pulling out loose bills of five's, ten's, and twenty's, Rose finally pulled out Dee's check for the week. Holding it between his fingers, Rose made a tearing gesture, assuring Dee he wasn't one to bluff. Swallowing, Dee snatched his check from Rose's fingers and slipped it inside his coat.  
  
"I'm glad we understand eachother, detective." Rose remarked.  
  
"Tch. The commish stooping that low...great service you are to the community." Dee snapped as he continued to ignore Rose.  
  
"That's why I have great workers like you to make me look good. It's as easy as that. Now, I want to discuss something with you about your tale. I mean, I am the big bad wolf after all...so, what happens to me? Do I meet a hot babe? Do I get all the chicks?" Rose asked raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Is this your method of trying to get me to talk? Cuz I'm telling ya commish, it ain't working." Dee replied, slapping his palm sharply on the table.  
  
"Awww, come on...don't be such a sour puss! Whadda ya want me to do, beg? Throw my life away? I'm the commish! Doing things like that would make me look bad...especially in public!" Berk whined, shaking his hands to and fro.  
  
"Fine...I'll tell continue the story, but here are my terms: I want a three day vacation that includes Ryo, pay, and no interruptions."  
  
"I can't! YOU, I can...Ryo, no can do. He's one of the best! I need him on my team!" Rose said as he pounded a fist on the table.  
  
Ignoring the complaints from the commish, Dee leaned closer to Rose. Holding up three fingers, Dee said: "You have Drake, Ted, and JJ. Surely you can pick one from those three. If you can't decide, there's always eeny-meeny-miny-moe. That's the deal...you either take it or you don't."  
  
"But...that's not fair!"  
  
"Hey, shit happens...deal with it!"  
  
"B-But!" Rose continued to stutter as he tried to grip onto something.  
  
"Going ONCE!" Dee shouted as he pointed a finger.  
  
"Let's think about it so--"  
  
"Going TWICE!" Another finger went up as Dee continued to count.  
  
"Why can't you have it by yourse--"  
  
"Going THRI--"  
  
"Alright!You win you get a three day vacation with Ryo, pay, and no interruptions!" Rose shouted as grabbed the front of Dee's shirt.  
  
"SOLD! Ladies and gentlemen to the Commish of the 27th precinct!" Dee announced as he slammed his fist on the table, shaking the salt and pepper shakers.  
  
Holding his head in his hands, Rose shook back and forth. Scolding himself for being so stupid, Rose continued to argue with himself. Fed up with Rose bickering with himself, Dee smacked him lightly, bringing the commish back to earth. Looking Rose in the eye, Dee asked: "Do you want to hear it now or not? I don't have all day you know."  
  
"Urm...sure, I'd love to Detective Laytner, by all means." Rose answered with a pathetic smile and gestured for Dee to begin.  
  
Cocking an eyebrow, Dee wondered if Rose was right in the head or if he was just coo-coo.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
[Narrator: Dee]  
  
"Why my dear...the better to strip you with." the man wolf replied.  
  
Bringing the covers up more to his face, the man wolf continued to wait as his prey stepped closer to the bed. Inching closer to the wolf, Ryo saw how huge its paws were. Swallowing nervously again, Ryo replied:  
  
"W-why, Carol's aunt?...uh..what big hands you have?..."  
  
"Why my love, the better to paw you with..." the man wolf replied naughtily.  
  
'Okay, is it just me or is this wolf flirting with me?' Ryo thought to himself as he continued his investigation. Eyeing the two, Dee thought it was weird how Ryo took hesitant steps towards the creature. It was also weird how the creature seemed to be flirting with his Ryo. 'Hmmm...' Dee thought as he came up behind his lover.  
  
Feeling Dee's presence behind him, Ryo took a breath and found the courage once again to question this man wolf. Standing next to the bed now, Ryo asked once more:  
  
"Why...Carol's aunt, how big you are!" (not that way hentais!*^o~*)  
  
"Why my sex God, the better to pounce you with!" And with that, the man wolf leaped into the air, preparing to pounce on Dee's delicious Ryo. Just as he was about to kiss Ryo, the man wolf was stopped in mid-air as he slammed into the sole of Dee's shoe.  
  
"Ryo's my babe, in case you haven't notice you animal!" Dee scorned as he hid Ryo protectively behind his back. Dee and Ryo continued to stare as the man wolf slowly got up. Covering his snout with his hands, the man wolf moaned and groaned. Crying now, the man wolf whimpered:  
  
"Y-You br-roke my n-nose y-you bastard!" it whined as blood started trickling down his snout. "I'm g-gonna e-eat y-you for t-this!"  
  
"Ah shut up!" Dee growled as he shoved the man wolf back onto the bed with his foot.  
  
"Dee!" Ryo cried at his lover's actions.  
  
Hearing all the commotion from inside, Carol Pick Pocket Hood and the Bikky-Bread Man rushed into the house. At the site of the man wolf covering his bleeding nose, the two young'uns bursted out laughing. Falling to the floor, the two held their stomachs as they continued to shake from laughing. Cupping his nose, the man wolf glared at Dee as he composed himself.  
  
Scowling at Dee, Ryo went to the man wolf and held out a hankie. Eyeing Ryo, the man wolf uttered a "thank you" and pounced him. Holding Ryo so that the blonde's back was against his chest, the creature smirked as he stared at Dee. Just as he was about to lick Ryo's ear, the man wolf howled in pain as he fell backwards. Ryo sweat dropped as Dee's shoe flew the air and made contact with the wolf's forehead, knocking him on his back.   
  
"Tch. Didn't I tell you Ryo was mine?" Dee said with his hands on his hips.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
[The Present: Dee and Rose]  
  
"Wait a minute! Why do I always get hurt?"  
  
"Tough luck..that's how the story goes" Dee said  
  
"I demand justice! Why do I have to be a bad guy? and what's up with you breaking my nose?" Rose replied.  
  
"Did you want me to break something else?" Dee replied, cocking an eyebrow  
  
"Uh...haahahhha...no"   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
[Narrator: Dee]  
  
"Tch. Didn't I tell you Ryo was mine?" Dee said with his hands on his hips.  
  
"Ryo, come over here or he'll paw you again!"   
  
"Uh...hai..." Ryo replied as he quickly got up and went to Dee's side.  
  
Moaning in pain, the man wolf got up again and threw the shoe back, only to be caught in Dee's hands. Mumbling a "thank you" Dee put his shoe back on, waiting for the man wolf to compose himself. Finally, after whining and crying, the man wolf faced the couple only to be greeted by Dee's gun. Shooting Dee an "I dare you" look, the wolf sat on the edge, waiting for Dee to do something.   
  
Meanwhile, the Bikky-Bread Man and Carol Pick Pocket Hood stopped laughing and stood beside Ryo.  
  
"Alright wolfie! Who is your daddy and what does he do?" Dee demanded   
  
(Kindergarten Cop w/AR-AR-AR-ARNOLD Schwarzenegger *^-^*)  
  
"Uh...Dee, wrong line!" the man wolf whispered, looking away from the camera  
  
"Huh? oh, sorry wrong story!" Dee replied as he looked through his script.  
  
Dropping it on the ground, Dee pointed his gun once again at Rose and asked:  
  
"Alright wolfie! Who are you and what did you do to Carol's aunt?"  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about!" the wolf replied, crossing his arms and pointing his snout in the air.  
  
Reaching behind his back, Dee pulled out a rocket launcher and aimed it at Rose. Peeking from the corner of his eye, the man wolf sweat dropped as he came face to face with it. Swallowing nervously, the creature debated whether he wanted to live or die.  
  
"You were saying?" Dee said with a cocky grin  
  
Clearing his throat and pushing the rocket launcher away from his face, the man wolf took a deep breath and spoke:  
  
"I am the--"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
[The Present: Dee and Rose]  
  
"The most handsomest guy who lives in an enchanted castle and is doomed to be a beast for the remainder of his time if he can't find one who loves him in return!" Rose offered excitedly.  
  
Speechless, Dee stared dumbly at Rose as the commish unprofessionally blurted out guesses that weren't even close. So far Dee heard suggestions of the man wolf being a knight, a king, a noble, and all sorts of gizmos and gadgets.  
  
Rolling his eyes in irritation, Dee slammed his palms on top of the table top, quieting an annoying Rose.  
  
"ANYWAYS..." Dee continued with his temper fuming.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
[Narrator: Dee]  
  
"I am the Big Bad Rose-Wolf of Howl Investigations. I, like you two am a detective of my kind, only I am the top dawg of my branch. So don't mess with me or I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your arse down!" Rose finished as he raised his hand in a victory gesture.  
  
"So what are you doing, prowling through the roads of mankind?" Dee asked.  
  
Snapping back to reality, Rose-Wolf let out a nervous laugh and calmed down.  
  
Thanking a crew member for handing him a cup of tea, Rose-Wolf took a sip as he offered cookies to Dee and Ryo. Shaking their heads "no" in unison, Rose-Wolf nodded and started to explain the mystery behind his presence.  
  
"Recently, there have been an unbalance in our Fairy Tale World. The population of the Humans have decreased while the population of Fairy Tale Creatures have increased. In this world, all races are suppose to balance out...let's say if there are 50 humans, there should be 50 members of each race of Fairy Tale Creatures. This problem arose a couple days ago. Records show that at least five members of the human race have been missing, thus adding an increase in Fairy Tale Creatures. One of them is Carol's aunt."  
  
Gesturing his head towards Carol, Rose hinted at Ryo to distract her. The poor girl had tears in her eyes. Obviously, she loved her aunt a lot.  
  
Afraid that Carol Pick Pocket Hood would become too emotional at the disapperance of her aunt, Ryo ushered her and the Bikky-Bread Man to play outside for a while. Nodding in agreement, the two young ones held one another's hands as they went outdoors. Curious now, Dee and Ryo looked at one another and then back at Rose. Grabbing chairs and sitting down, the three resumed their conversation.  
  
"Back to what I was saying. Five members of the human race have gone missing. No one knows why or how. The only evidence that was found were those of cookie crumbs. And they're not ordinary cookies either. The lab that tested these cookies found traces of a magic concoction. It appears that these cookies were baked with drops of Rainbow Essence."  
  
'Rainbow essence....why does that ring a bell?' Dee thought. Trying to remember, Dee's thoughts were interrupted by Ryo's voice.  
  
"Dee! Isn't that what we used to make Bikky?"  
  
"Huh?...that's right! It is!" Dee replied.  
  
Looking back and forth at the two, Rose-Wolf raised an eyebrow, waiting for the two to fill him in. Jumping the gun, Ryo leaned forward in his seat and started to explain.  
  
"See, I'm sorta of like a baker and I wanted to make something new. So one day, Dee and I went into the market and met this lady at a booth. It was called The Magical Shop of Pastries. The owner was named Diana and she sold us a bottle of rainbow essence."  
  
"Diana did you say?" Rose-Wolf asked.  
  
"Hai! She sold it for one grand." Ryo replied.  
  
"Hmmm..did you eat your pastry?" Rose continued asking as he jot down notes.   
  
"Uh...no...see, our pastry turned out to be Bikky" Ryo said proudly.  
  
"Bikky, huh?" Rose said with a smile. "Why didn't you eat him?"  
  
"Cuz he was just too cu--"  
  
"CUTE!" Dee interrupted as he cut Ryo off. "I would've eaten him earlier if softie here wasn't so protective!"  
  
"Who says I'm soft?" Ryo scolded as he looked at Dee.  
  
Seeing his lover flustered from anger only made him more cute. Snickering, to himself, Dee leaned close to Ryo's body and whispered:  
  
"Being soft is one of your best qualities...especially in bed" Dee whispered shamefully into Ryo's ear. Leaning back, Dee winked seductively and acted like nothing happened. Blushing a bright shade of red, Ryo resumed his position as he let Dee talk.  
  
"Anyway, we just ended up keeping the brat...why, what's it to you?"  
  
"Evidence has shown that consumers of rainbow essence seem to disappear...or so we think."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
[The Present: Dee and Rose]  
  
"Who's the culprit?" Rose asked  
  
"If I tell you, Kit wouldn't be able to write any more chapters." Dee replied.  
  
"Yeah! So hold your horses Rose!" Kit yells from the back.  
  
'Damn...I'll get you Kit, I'll get you' Rose thought as he eyed Kit.  
  
"I can hear your thoughts Rose!" Kit yells back   
  
Meanwhile Dee looks back and forth at the two, shakes his head, and curses himself.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
[Narrator: Dee]  
  
As I was saying:  
  
"Now, all we need to do is find the missing humans and question them." Rose replied calmly.  
  
"Okay, but how?" Ryo asked.  
  
"Don't worry, sooner or later they'll come! So for now, just sit back and rela--"  
  
"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!" came a high pitch scream from Carol Pick Pocket Hood. Rushing out the door, both men and the man-wolf rushed outside to the commotion and saw Carol pointing to a giant creature in the shadows. Aiming their guns at the creature, the three yelled out in unison:  
  
"Stop in the name of love!" Appalled by what they just shouted, the three stared at eachother in confusion and shouted, "Dumb Kit!."  
  
"Hey, who you calling dumb!" Kit shouts as she throws the script, hitting them. Covering their heads as the scripts hit them, the three guys struggle to keep their balance.  
  
"Hey, keep to the story here guys!" the creature said from the shadows.  
  
"Oh alright!" the three mumbled.  
  
Taking a deep breath, turning around and aiming their guns at the creature again, the three shouted:  
  
"Stop in the name of the law!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
[The Present: Dee and Rose]  
  
"And that's a wrap!" Dee said tiredly as he got up from the booth.  
  
"Wh-what? that wasn't even the whole story!" Rose cried.  
  
"Did I mention I was going to tell you all of it? NO" Dee remarked, walking out of the cafe.  
  
"Look, I'll give you whatever you want if you finish it!"  
  
"Then I wouldn't be spoiled now, would I?" With that, Dee took off into the busy streets of New York City, ignoring the shouts and complaints of New York's 27th precinct's, Commissioner Rose.  
  
############################################################################  
  
Moral of the Day: If you got it going on, why not be spoiled?  
  
Alright! Another chap. done! Sorry if you guys waited long...lately I've been busy planning my prom, which is this Saturday!!!! I'm so excited! Hahahahhahah anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter...honestly, I thought I wasn't ever going to finish, but I did! Let's all celebrate!   
  
By the by, I think I mispelled Commissioner...I totally zoned out, so it'd be great if you guys can double check it for me! +^-^+ 


	4. Tale Four: The Three NYC Pigs

Disclaimer: Kit_Yang vs.Sanami Matoh  
  
^*o*^:Damn it, Ryo and Dee got away! I was THIS close to owning them...  
  
^*^o^*: I, the great Sanami Matoh owns Ryo, Dee, and all of FAKE!  
  
Dee's stories are parodies of Grimm's Fairy Tales, some insights of Disney classics, and a little bit of Mother Goose.  
  
############################################################################  
  
Dee's Grimm Fairy Tales  
  
Told By: Kit_Yang +^-^+  
  
Tale Four: The NYC Pigs +(^oo^)+  
  
"Ahhhhh! Nothing feels better than a day of relaxation!" Dee exclaimed as he flopped down on the sofa cushions.  
  
"Yeah, I agree...but why would Rose give us a vacation on the same day?" Ryo asked as he brought two cups of coffee.  
  
"You know me, I am a man of persuasion after all!" Dee snickered as he recalled earlier events. Grabbing his cup of coffee and muttered "thanks babe", Dee took a sip and relaxed.  
  
Putting two and two together, the blonde looked over at Dee with a 'I know what you did' look.  
  
"What?" Dee asked  
  
"You bribed him with the story, didn't you?" Ryo smirked  
  
"Hey, it was either that or my check...which would you choose?" Dee said holding up two fingers.  
  
"I would've chosen both" Ryo replied back, sipping his coffee and wondering how in the hell Rose gave up that easily.  
  
"Well, it could've been worse...I mean, heck if it was you trying to bribe me, you'd probably use sex...ACK!" Dee immediately stopped in his tracks and covered his mouth. Looking over at Ryo, Dee cursed himself for being so stupid. 'Oh no...I know that look' Dee thought as he gulped nervously.  
  
"Hahhaha...ur...now Ryo, I was just joking!" Dee said with half a smile.  
  
Grinning naughtily, Ryo took both he and Dee's cups and placed them on the coffee table. Turning to Dee, Ryo licked his lips as as he placed his hands on Dee's chest. Sweat dropping, Dee realized he just landed himself in deep crap. 'Great...so much for my three day vacation...now Ryo's gonna whine until he gets to hear it.' Dee thought as Ryo started kissing his neck. 'There is a GOD!!!! WAIT! What am I thinking?' he thought as he struggled to stay focus. Sitting on top of Dee now, Ryo continued to assault Dee's neck, hoping the man would give in.  
  
Pushing Ryo's shoulders, Dee continued to fight as desired filled his lower half. Moans of pleasure filled the air as Dee slowly lost himself in Ryo's gentle kisses. Hearing Dee's purrs convinced the fair haired man that his lover was slowly losing himself in pleasure. 'Now's the time' Ryo thought. With that, Ryo leaned over and whispered in Dee's ear:  
  
"Finish the story koi" he whispered seductively.  
  
"Uh? Do wh-what?"  
  
Nipping gently at Dee's neck, Ryo continued driving Dee crazy. The man was so easy to arouse, Ryo thought.  
  
"What happened to the creature?" Ryo asked as he stared at Dee. Slowly undoing his buttons, Ryo continued to stare at his lover as he gently rubbed his groin against Dee's slowly. Moaning, Dee sat up and hooked his arms around Ryo's back. Kissing Ryo's neck, Dee ignored Ryo's question.  
  
"Dee...Dee! Are you listening to me?" Ryo asked as he cupped Dee's face in his palms and gave his lover a pout.  
  
"What? Of course I am! You were talkin' about fireflies that get stuck in the sky. Hakuna Matata baby." Dee answered lamely as he gazed at his gorgeous babe.  
  
"Dee, you're so weird" Ryo laughed as he gave Dee a kiss to the cheek. "Really now, what happened?"   
  
"Ryo, we're on vacation...what makes you think I want to waste it by continuing the story? We could be doing other things." Dee suggested as he showed Ryo just what he was talkin' about. Just as he was about to kiss Ryo, his face was pinched by small fingers, causing him to yelp in pain. Turning around, Dee let out a:  
  
"ACK! BIKKY!"  
  
"Hahahhahaha!" the boy laughed as he pointed a finger to Dee.  
  
"Damn you!" Dee shouted as he prepared to jump Bikky, only to be stopped by Ryo's strong arms. "Ryo, let me go! I'm gonna smack some manners into that heathen!"  
  
"Now Dee..." Ryo replied in a serious tone.  
  
"Yeah you lame ass, maybe you should listen to Ryo here. You might make it out alive!" Bikky remarked as he crossed his arms and pointed his nose into the air.   
  
"You better talk big while you can, DOPEY! Cuz after I'm through with you, you're gonna wish you ate that damn poisoned apple!" Dee continued to growl.  
  
"Psst! Hey, Guys! Keep it real now huh?" Kit whispers from the back.  
  
"And YOU! I'm tired of you giving us some cheesy lines. What's up with that? Maybe you should get your ass back to work!" Dee shouts.  
  
A vein pops up from Kit's forehead. Pulling a bazooka from her back, Kit points it directly at Dee, making him sweat drop.   
  
"Care to say that again Laytner?" Kit warns.  
  
"Urm...hahahhaa...just kidding" Dee says nervously as Ryo sighs in defeat.  
  
"Alright then...marker one, Act IV, and ACTION!" Kit shouts.  
  
"You better talk big while you can, DOPEY! Cuz after I'm through with you, you're gonna wish you ate that damn poisoned apple!" Dee continued to growl.  
  
"Bring it on whipperella!" Bikky said as he continued to ignore Dee.  
  
Giving up, Ryo got up and headed to the kitchen as the two continued bickering. 'Maybe cooking dinner will earn me the story. After all, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach' Ryo thought as he snickered. After dinner, the dishes were all cleared as Dee, Ryo, and Bikky sat at the table wondering what to do next. The next thing he knew, Dee's wrists were handcuffed together as he was staring into space.  
  
"What the?" Dee asked as he shot Ryo a questioning look. Suddenly, it hit him...Ryo wasn't going to let him go that easily. Looking up, Dee thought Ryo was really getting tired of this cat and mouse game. There his lover stood, hair slicked back with his arms crossed in front of him. Next to him stood Bikky, clean and tough looking in the same pose. Both silently told him he wasn't getting away this time.   
  
"I want some answers Detective Laytner and I refuse to wait any longer." Ryo said calmly. "We can do it the hard way or the easy way. But I warn you, I cannot guarantee you safety unless you cooperate." Ryo replied as he leaned forward with his palms on the table top.  
  
Looking over his shoulder and pointing at Bikky:  
  
"See my buddy here? He has a short fuse and is easily angered. If you keep refusing to give us answers, I'm afraid we'll have to play good cop, bad cop. So what's it going to be?" Ryo asked as he raised an eyebrow to Dee.  
  
"Tch. I'm not going to talk that easily." Dee mumbled  
  
"Don't you understand? We're the only ones who can help you. We know that others are out there for your story. They're coming for you, even as we speak. You can either tell us while you're in our custody, or we hand you to them. Either way, we'll get the story."  
  
"Yeah bozo, so you better shape up and talk or else!" Bikky remarked.  
  
Thinking to himself, Dee knew he couldn't escape. It's what he deserved for underestimating the importance of the evidence. He thought it best if he let Ryo take down his story before he was ganged up by Ted, Drake, and JJ. He knew they were coming...when? he did not know. All he knew was that he'd rather be safe than have five million bullet holes shot in him for his story. Giving up, Dee sighed and decided to place his life into the hands of the two interrogators. Shaking his head in agreement, Dee remained quiet as he thought how best to word his story.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
[Narrator: Dee]   
  
"Stop in the name of the law!" Dee, Ryo, and Rose-Wolf all shouted as they pointed their guns to the creature.  
  
Wobbling to and fro, the creature let out a "EEEK!!!" and started swaying as it tried to keep it's balance. To no avail, it fell and seperated into three different parts. Moans and groans could be heard from the shadows as the individual parts started to wiggle to an upright position.  
  
Staring at the creature and wondering what the heck it was, Dee, Ryo, and Rose-Wolf gestured for Carol Pick Pocket Hood and the Bikky-Bread Man to go inside. Grabbing Carol's arm, the Bikky-Bread Man dragged her along to safety. Peeping out the window, the two young ones stared out the window, wondering what was going to happen.  
  
Slowly walking towards it, the three men stared at one another and nodded their heads. Each aiming at the individual parts, Rose-Wolf asked:  
  
"What the heck are you and why are you here?"  
  
"Who, me?"  
  
"No, he was talking to me!"  
  
"Ah shut up you two! Geez, I'm getting a head-ache!" another voice replied.  
  
One by one, the three body parts slowly walked into the light. With the sun reflecting on them, flashes of pink could be seen. Covering their eyes from the bright light, Dee, Ryo, and Rose-Wolf covered their eyes with their arms. Standing in broad daylight now, the three body parts brushed off dirt from their shoulders and let out snorts.  
  
As the bright light suddenly faded, the three guys brought down their arms and stared in shock. In front of them stood three little pigs...one with brown hair, one with red, and the other with lavender hair. In shock, Dee, Ryo, and Rose-Wolf all stared at them with open mouths.  
  
"Geez, we don't look that bad!" the red hair replied.  
  
"Are you guys okay?" the brown hair asked, waving his hoove in front of him.  
  
"What a stud!" the lavender hair replied.  
  
Moments passed by as Dee, Ryo, and Rose-Wolf continued staring at the three rudely. Shaking out of their daze, Ryo and Rose-Wolf came back to their senses except for Dee. Still gawking at the three, Dee lost himself in shock. Staring at his lover, Ryo smacked Dee on the cheek, bringing him back to Earth.  
  
"OWww!" Dee whined as he rubbed his cheek.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
[The Present: Ryo, Bikky, and Dee]  
  
"So, what happened next Mr. Laytner?"   
  
"It's hard to remember exactly" Dee says.  
  
"Are you gonna spill it or do I have to hurt ya moron?" Bikky threatens.  
  
"Hurt me and I won't say anything else." Dee sneers.  
  
"Now Bikky, simmer down...I'll handle it okay? Once again Mr. Laytner, what happened?" Ryo asks calmly.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
[Narrator: Dee]  
  
"Owww!" Dee whined as he rubbed his cheek. Staring at the three pigs once again, Dee, Ryo, and Rose-Wolf introduced themselves. After introductions were made, Dee asked the pigs out of curiosity:  
  
"Who are you guys?"  
  
"Um...we're the three NYC Pigs" the three said in unison, finishing up with a dance routine.  
  
"I'm Drake" said the brown hair pig.  
  
"Yours truly, Ted" the red hair pointed to himself.  
  
"And I'm your number one fan, JJ!" the lavender hair pig said as he jumped and grabbed onto Dee's arms.   
  
"ACK! Let go!" Dee shouted as he tried shaking JJ from his arms. The more Dee shook, the more the pig held on while declaring his undying love for the raven hair man. 'This is ridiculous' Ryo thought as a vein popped up from his forehead. Turning to Ted and Drake, Ryo invited the them inside for some tea and cookies. Shooting Dee a murderous look, Ryo turned his back to his lover and headed inside the hut. Smirking, Rose shot Dee an "I'm gonna get your man" look and proceeded after Ryo.  
  
"Don't you dare touch my Ryo, you animal!" Dee shouted as JJ changed tactics and tackled him to the ground. Shouts of "ACK!!! Let me go!" and "Never ever! You're my mean, Dee, Love Machine!!!!" echoed through the silence of the forest.  
  
The afternoon faded into evening as dinner was served. Everyone joined in and started chowing down. Afterwards, Ryo put the Bikky-Bread Man and Carol Pick Pocket Hood to sleep as he joined the others in the living room. Dee, Ryo, and Rose all sat on the couch facing Ted, Drake, and JJ who were sitting on chairs. The loud ticking of the clock could be heard as the six companions stared back and forth at one another. Every once and a while, emerald eyes would shoot darts to big kawaii blue ones, while piercing hazel orbs would meet hesistant chocolate ones.  
  
Any longer, and it would of felt as if everyone was in a battle, dressed in Samurai armor and waiting in silence as the wind howled. The silence was finally broken by fake coughs, uttered by Ted and Drake. Snapping back to reality, Dee, Ryo and Rose-Wolf straightend up and cleared their throats. Taking the initiative, Rose-Wolf began his interrogation:  
  
"Alright, you guys said you used to be humans, am I correct?" the commish asked.  
  
"Yeah, that is until JJ here decided he wanted to bake some cookies" Ted volunteered the info as he pointed to JJ.  
  
"JJ, is that true?" Rose asked.  
  
"Yeah...but it wasn't my fault! See, I bought this potion called Rainbow Essence from this magic chick from the market. I followed the direction and everything, but I don't understand why we are the way we are."  
  
"Meaning?"  
  
"Meaning that after we ate JJ's cookies, POOF! We turned into pigs!" Drake replied.  
  
"Hmmm" Rose hummed as he stroke his chin with is paws. After several minutes of "hmmm-ing" and looking cool, Rose said:  
  
"Is it just me, or am I just plain HOT?" Making everyone sigh and drop their heads in defeat. After several more moments of silence, an idea clicked in Ryo's sharp mind.  
  
"Wait...what were the shape of your cookies?" Ryo asked, putting two and two together.  
  
"Come on Ryo! How's that gonna help?" Dee exclaimed.  
  
"No, really Dee...I know it has something to do with the cookies. Look, we baked Bikky in the form of a gingerbread man and he came alive. The thing is, WE didn't eat him. So there's got to be some connection to it all." Ryo explained to everyone.  
  
Nodding their heads in unison, the companions all started thinking there was some logic behind Ryo's idea.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
[The Present: Ryo, Bikky, and Dee]  
  
"Mr. Laytner, is what you're telling us the truth?" detective McLean asks.  
  
"Mostly, yes" Dee replies.  
  
Slamming his fist on the table, Bikky points an accusing finger to Dee:  
  
"I want the truth dammit!" Causing Kit to shout "Yeah!" in the background.  
  
Shooting laser beams at Bikky, Dee growls: "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"  
  
"ORDER! ORDER I SAY! ORDER IN THE INTERROGATION ROOM!" Kit shouts, getting into a boxing stance.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
[Narrator: Dee]  
  
Like I said:  
  
Nodding their heads in unison, the companions all started thinking there was some logic behind Ryo's idea. But what?...they had no clue.   
  
"OOOHH! I know!" JJ volunteered.  
  
"What?" everyone else answered.  
  
"Maybe...they're evil cookies!" JJ said, holding his face in horror."Cookies that turn you into monsters if you don't find a cure! WE'RE DOOMED!!!! I don't want to die as a PIG!!!! Dee, save me you big hunka HUNK!!!" the lavender hair pig said as he jumped straight into Dee's arms.  
  
"ACK!!! GET OFF OF ME OR YOU'RE GONNA BE ROASTED!!!"  
  
"Burn me Dee! Burn me with your loving flame!!!!" JJ shouted in joy as he continued to snuggle against Dee.  
  
Shaking their heads in defeat, Ted, Drake, Ryo and Rose-Wolf continued their investigation as Dee wrestled JJ in the background.  
  
"Wait a minute...what if JJ's idea is right?" Ryo asked the other three creatures. "Think about it right? I mean cookies that turn you into something! It's got to be the cookies!"   
  
"Now that I think about it, JJ's cookies were in the form of PIGS. He said that they reminded him of the Three Little Pigs, which was his favorite story." Drake commented.  
  
"Or maybe it was because police officers are called Pigs? Hahhahahaha...hey!" Ted scowled as he finally understood the inside joke.  
  
"Wait, you guys are also officers?" Ryo asked.  
  
"Not just officers, we're detectives. Recently, an outlaw by the name of Diana Spacey has been spreading her rainbow essence concoction, declaring it would bring happiness to all. So, Ted, JJ, and I decided to check things out." Drake replied.  
  
"Bozo over there bought the rainbow essence so we could do some lab testing. The three of us were gonna hang out at JJ's and try to solve this case and we decided we wanted some home made cookies. Just to bring us closer to home, ya know?" Ted finally finished.  
  
"Uh-huh...so, what happened next?" Rose-Wolf finally asked.  
  
"Well, JJ rolled them into pigs and we ate 'em. Then POOF! We all turned to pigs!" Ted and Drake replied in unison.  
  
"Bingo!" Rose-Wolf snapped his fingers together. "It's all coming together now!" he shouted, stopping Dee and JJ in their tracks.  
  
"Diana sells rainbow essence...who buys them? BAKERS! Well, the bakers use it in their recipe and bakes their pastries in all sorts of forms. If they eat it, what happens?"  
  
"They all turn into stone!" JJ shouted  
  
Bopping JJ on the head, Dee scowls and waits for Rose-Wolf to continue as JJ rubs the top of his head.  
  
"No...anyways, they all turn into the forms of their cookies. For example, Ted, Drake, and JJ all ate cookies in the shape of pigs, and now, they are pigs!" Rose-Wolf finished.  
  
**Kit turns on the APPLAUD sign and everyone clap their hands in unison**  
  
"Thank you, thank you" Rose-Wolf replies as he bows down again and again.  
  
"But how are we supposed to change back?" JJ replied.  
  
"Who knows? Maybe never!" Rose-Wolf replied as he pointed a paw to the sky.  
  
"Oh no!!! I'm doomed!!!!" JJ cries.  
  
Suddenly, the lights go out. Shouts of "Hey!", "Who's there?", and "There goes my light bulb" bounces off the wall. A single light comes back on, focusing on Dee and a huge staircase. Looking around, Dee calls out for Ryo and the other guys but receives no reply. Curious, Dee climbs the stairs. Dramatic music comes on, kinda like when the hero discovers a sword or something. Climbing the staircase, Dee sees a beautiful bed with transparent veils, hiding the figure.  
  
Automatically, Dee starts spouting:  
  
"I've made it love, oh I have. I've crossed the plains of a thousand thorns, to rescue you for I have sworn...with this body and my courage, I shall vanquish the evil queen's wrath." Holding a palm to his heart.  
  
Dee finally reaches the bed and pours out his heart:   
  
"This is it...the moment I have been waiting for" Dee says aloud. "This is destiny...this is fate...with one kiss, you shall awake." Sweeping the veils aside, Dee leans in close to the figure.  
  
Inching closer to the bed, Dee sees a sign that says: "Kiss me and make me yours" -Sleeping Piggy  
  
"What the?!!!" Dee shouts as JJ comes awake and jumps on him.  
  
"I knew it was love!!!!" JJ snorted as he kissed Dee all over, causing them to fall and roll down the stairs.  
  
The lights all come on, showing Rose, Ted, Drake and Ryo. Clenching their stomachs, Rose-Wolf and the guys, except Ryo laugh as tears form from their eyes. Rolling to the bottom of the steps, Dee and JJ landed with a "Humph!". Seeing a pair of shoes in front of him, Dee looked up as he saw Ryo scowling at him. Still laughing, Rose-Wolf cracked jokes as Ted and Drake resumed laughing.  
  
"Hey Dee! Is that how you like your bacon? Hahhahahhahha"  
  
"Hey Dee! Are you going to name your kid Hamlet? Hahhahahha"  
  
  
  
Annoyed, Dee's shoe hits Rose-Wolf, causing him to fall off stage. "Oooh's" and "Ahhhs" echoed from the audience as they felt Rose's pain. Thunder strikes, causing blue waves of lighting to flash here and there, setting fire to JJ's pig tail. Clad in a leather jacket with blue jeans, one knee on the ground, the other bent, Dee remained still. Lifting his chin, Dee looks around. Standing upright, wearing some shades and carrying a gun, Dee mumbled:  
  
  
  
"Come with me if you want to live" cocking his shotgun.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
[The Present: Ryo, Bikky, and Dee]  
  
"Is that all of it?" the good cop said.  
  
"Yes...you'll grant me safe custody?" Dee asked.  
  
"Well duh Bozo! we keep ya safe in exchange for your story" Bikky said crossing his arms.  
  
Suddenly, a knock echoed through the silent apartment. Wondering who it was, Ryo and Bikky got on either side of the door. They were doing the "On 3, open the door and shoot" routine. Counting to themselves, Bikky and Ryo nodded their heads, counted to 3 and opened the door.  
  
"FREEZE!" they both shouted to the culprits who were after Dee.  
  
Standing in the doorway, Rose, Drake, Ted and JJ all stood with sleeping bags and a stuffed animal their arms.  
  
Raising an eyebrow, Rose snickered:  
  
"Say hello to my little friend!" (Scarface *^-^*)   
  
############################################################################  
  
Moral of the Day: When in doubt, piggy out!  
  
Chapter 4 finally finished!!! Yes! Special shout out to Anana who helped suggest the Sleeping Beauty parody...I know and I'm sorry if I didn't use it through the whole story...I didn't want to ruin what I already had written...thanks though! *^-^*   
  
Anyways, have you all noticed that I've been spelling Dee's last name wrong? It's actually Latener...but I like spelling it Laytner as other authors do so I'm sticking to it...anyway, I hope this chapter cracked you up a lot cuz I sure had fun! Thanks for reading and hope you'll continue reviewing!  
  
By the by, prom was off the hook! I tooks some pictures and chose the prom package..boy, did I get ripped off! I'm still mad over that! 


	5. Tale Five: Candy Land, Candy Land

Disclaimer: KitYang vs.Sanami Matoh  
  
o:Damn it, Ryo and Dee got away! I was THIS close to owning them...  
  
o: I, the great Sanami Matoh owns Ryo, Dee, and all of FAKE!  
  
Dee's stories are parodies of Grimm's Fairy Tales, some insights of Disney ics, and a little bit of Mother Goose.  
  
############################################################################  
  
Dee's Grimm Fairy Tales  
  
Told By: KitYang -  
  
Tale Five: Candy Land, Candy Land 0-0  
  
"ACK!!!!" Dee shouted from his hiding spot and pointed a finger to Berk and the gang. Standing upright from his position, Dee watched as Drake, Ted, JJ, and Berk barged through the door, rudely pushing Ryo and poor Bikky to the side. All four men nodded in appreciation as they noticed Ryo's fine taste in fashion. Steaming with rage, Dee stood dumbly as the four guys continued to ignore him. Clearing his throat to get their attentions, Dee asked once more:  
  
"What are you guys doing here?"  
  
"What does it look like Laytner? We're staying over" Berk replied with a smile. Murmurs of "Hey, a big screen!", "Wow, it's clean" and "This is SO Ryo" were interrupted by a sudden coughing noise. Turning their heads, everyone locked eyes with a nervous Ryo. Laughing and rubbing the back of his head, Ryo said:  
  
"Um...guys? Your cue wasn't due until I gave the signal."  
  
"What?" Dee said confusedly. "What do you mean their cue?"  
  
"You see Dee, um...well, I didn't want them to miss out on the story so earlier I called and invited them all for a sleep over." Ryo finished, casting his head down and staring at the floor.  
  
"YOU...DID...WHAT?!!!!!" Dee shouted from the top of his lungs. On Kit's signal, the apartment fades and becomes a huge cliff on the verge of breaking: Dee on one side, Ryo and the gang on the other side. Growling, Dee clenched his fists and tried to control his anger, but to no avail. It was no use, the demon in him had awakened. Tears forming in his eyes, Dee thought to himself "I'm sorry everyone...I'm not strong enough". Giving in, Dee closed his eyes and let the monster in him awaken. Everyone watched in horror as Dee slumped over, holding his stomach. In front of their eyes, they could see muscles grow, veins pop out, and the of green (hint, hint). Wide-eyed, everyone watched half-heartedly as their friend lost control.  
  
"EVERYONE! He's lost it!" Ryo the Samurai replied as he touched the handle to his sword. "The monster in Dee has awakened...everyone, stay alert!" Ryo commanded as he unsheathed his katana. Gathering to his side, Drake the Mage, Ted the Thief, JJ the Archer, Rose the Knight, and Bikky the Kid all formed behind Ryo in a V. Outraged by Ryo's betrayal, Dee held his hands up high and slammed them down on the ground, causing the ground to crack. The ground split up into seperate blocks, wavering to and fro, causing Ryo and everyone else to be lifted up high.  
  
(A/N: Picture The Lion King, when Scar was singing "Be Prepared" towards the end where the cliff broke up, raising him up...capiche? -)  
  
Staring down at their foe, Ryo and everyone else held onto one another for balance as the cliff they stood on continued to waver. Staring up at his mortal enemies, "The Dee" shot energy beams from the palm of his hands and aimed them towards his friends.   
  
"Watch out minna-san!" Ryo shouted as he noticed the beams. Directed towards all of them, Ryo tried to think of something when he was pushed back into the arms of the others.  
  
"Drake! Don't! You'll use up too much energy." Ryo cried as he struggled to break free.  
  
"It's alright Ryo...it's the least I can do." With that said and done, Drake bowed his head and held his magic staff in front of him. Concentrating on his spell, Drake's heart pounded rapidly as he poured his energy into his spell. A bright light glowed from the tip of Drake's staff and enveloped everyone in a shield of white. Opening his eyes, Drake slammed the bottom of his staff against the cliff and shouted with all his might:  
  
"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!!!" (The Lord of the Rings 0)  
  
As soon as Drake uttered these words, the beams collided with a magic barrier, not losing one bit of power. Fighting against the speed of the energy beams, Drake collapsed onto his knees as the force of Dee's power slowly broke down his body. Closing his eyes once more, Drake prayed with the last bit of his energy and was able to dissolve the beams. The energy beams finally disappeared, causing Drake to collapse. Rushing to his side, Ryo held Drake in his arms as the rest gathered around.   
  
Everyone's attention turned from Drake as an inhuman scream was heard. Dropping Drake onto the dirt, Ryo and everyone else straightened up to see the action, causing Drake to let out a "You're very much welcome!" as he laid spent on the dirt. Standing up and inching closer to "The Dee", everyone stared as "The Dee" started clutching the sides of his head.  
  
"GO AWAY YOU WIMP!" The Dee shouted as he fought with his other half. "I DON'T NEED YOU! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A LOSER!"  
  
"Rock on! Hit him hard dude!" Bikky the Kid cheered, only to be bopped on the head by an agitated samurai. Laughing nervously, Bikky sweat-dropped as he rubbed his injury.   
  
The battle between Dee and "The Dee" continued, causing Ryo and everyone else to start worrying. Looking at one another, the companions decided to help Dee and descended from their cliff. Jumping from one cliff to another, the guys continued their journey until they all surrounded Dee. Gathering around the monster, everyone lost themselves in their thoughts:  
  
Ryo the Samurai clenching his fists: "Hang in there Dee"  
  
Rose the Knight stroking his chin: "I wonder if Ryo's wearing anything underneath?" earning him a katana in the chest.  
  
Ted the Thief behind Dee: "Hmmm...Dee better have something valuable on him"  
  
JJ the Archer aiming Cupid's Arrows at Dee: "Hehehhehe Dee's bound to fall in love with me now!  
  
Bikky the Kid bumping into JJ the Archer: "What a lame monster to transform into"  
  
Everyone snapped out of their thoughts as Dee let out a loud "YELP!". Turning around, "The Dee" took out the love arrow and looked at it. Raising his eyes in question, "The Dee" stared at everyone, eliminating them by their expressions. Ryo looked worried, Rose looked happy, Ted looked out of it, and JJ...JJ looked guilty. Snapping the arrow in two, Dee growled and rushed after JJ, only to cover his eyes from a bright light. Feeling the light blind him, Dee staggered backwards, wanting it to go away. The sound of a camera flashing could be heard as a certain someone took pictures. The camera zoomed in on Dee, encasing him in a circle with all types of Japanese writings on it. Finally, Dee became unconscious and turned to his old self.  
  
"SNAP! ZERO SHOT! BOO-YA! Take that Kirie, YEAH!" Kit celebrates as her camera finally gets an upgrade.   
  
(A/N: Blah, Blah, Blah...I know, but hey, I'm trying to help!)  
  
I used the camera reference from Fatal Frame which is a video game.  
  
Fatal Frame: A game filled with ghosts galore, disturbing 6th senses, creepy flashbacks, and restless souls.  
  
Kirie: A ghost who is restless because of decisions she had to make. She's pretty pissed off cuz she couldn't become a rope shrine maiden AND she didn't get to be with the guy she loves.  
  
Zero Shot: The closest shot of a ghost up close that earns you lots and lots of points  
  
Points: Used for upgrades on your camera in order to kick more ghost ass!  
  
"Uh Kit, that isn't Kirie..." Ryo the Samurai remarks.  
  
"It's not?...Damn, she got away...Well, no best! She better run cuz I'm the best there is!" Kit replies.  
  
"I got YOU!" A voice shouts as Kit starts screaming. Kirie laughs as she drags a crying Kit away.  
  
Everything turns back to normal as the gang is warped back to Ryo's apartment. Dee slowly wakes up, only to stare into five serious faces.   
  
"Is it just me, or does Kit love torturing me?"  
  
"It's just you!" Everyone replied as Dee sat up.  
  
Ryo, Ted, Drake, JJ and Bikky decided they've seen enough action and left things up to Berk. Grabbing chairs and sitting this one out, Ryo and the guys sat in the back as they let Rose work his charm. Strapping on a white jacket and holding a notepad, Berk slapped on a serious face and stared at his watch. Crossing one leg over the other, Berk pushed his glasses onto his face and continued to study Dee. After a couple minutes of jotting down notes, the commish finally spoke:  
  
"So Dee...how do you feel?"  
  
"I feel like I've turned into a monster...I can't explain it..." Dee replied with remorse, as he slowly shook his head back and forth. Signaling to a crew member, Dee waited patiently as a lounge chair was brought onto the set. Laying down, Dee waited for Rose to continue.  
  
"So you feel like there's a monster inside you. What would you say if I told you there was one?"  
  
"H-How? I mean, I've been trying to please everyone, but that shouldn't trigger hidden personalities, would it?"  
  
"I understand Detective Laytner...I believe you've been under too much stress. With work and story telling and all...it's slowly wearing down your body and awakening unkempt feelings. Feelings such as annoyance and irritation that comes along with the job."  
  
"So are you saying I turn into a monster because I don't let anyone know when they annoy me or irritate me?"  
  
"Precisely..."   
  
"Well Doc, what do I do?"  
  
"Finish the story...then and only then will you be able to overcome the monster inside you."  
  
Bowing his head in defeat, Dee nodded his head in agreement. If finishing the story was the only way he could overcome this, then so be it. He refused to run away anymore...it would prove useless. Look at Eric Banner...he tried to escape but ended up becoming a mean, green, monster machine. Plopping back onto the lounge chair, Dee began the fifth chapter.  
  
[Narrator: Dee]  
  
"Come with me if you want to live." Dee mumbled in his best Arnold impression. Standing in front of the door, Dee blasted it with his shotgun and glanced outside. Reloading his gun, Dee checked left and right, making sure there were no enemies. Shedding his Arnold outfit, Dee turned back to Ryo and the gang, Dee signaled that it was safe. Quickly strapping on S.W.A.T vests, Rose-Wolf, the NYC Pigs, Ryo, and Dee grabbed their guns as they all gathered around the dinner table.  
  
Tossing papers to and fro, Rose-Wolf pulled out a white board off stage and propped it up on a stand. Tapping a blue print of Diana's house onto the board, Rose-Wolf took out a dry erase marker and began discussing his strategy:  
  
"Good evening gentlemen. How are you all today? I hope you all took the time to visit your friends and families for the last time. This mission is going to be a difficult one. It'll be challenging, but with all of us, it'll be a piece of cake. So, onto the plan":  
  
"Diana Spacey: Female, False-Advertiser, Outlaw" Rose replied as he held up a photo.  
  
"In the past couple of days, our guilty party, Diana Spacey has sold Rainbow Essence to consumers. Why? Who knows? BUT, that's not important. Now, our plan is to raid her home and bust her ass...that way, I can go back to being hot and you guys can go back to being what you've always been. So, I'm going to need your attention."  
  
Pointing to the blue print, Rose continued:  
  
"This is Diana's Den...we will split into three groups consisting of A, B, and C. We'll all split, one group protecting both Carol Pick Pocket Hood and the Bikky-Bread Man. Once we arrive, I'll give the orders and we'll proceed from there. Any questions?" Rose-Wolf asked, looking around for a show of hands.  
  
"Alright, I'll now decide the groups: A=Ted and Drake w/ Carol and Bikky, B=Dee and JJ, and C=Me and Ryo. Alright everyone, let's GO, GO, GO!!!!" Rose-Wolf replied before any complaints could be uttered. Everyone gathered with their partners and stormed out the door. Splitting up, A, B, and C all ran through the forest, using the trees as covers.   
  
"Fools...what makes you think it'll be that easy?" A hidden figure in the shadows whispered as it watched the gang through its magic mirror.  
  
[The Present: Rose and Dee]  
  
"Do you remember what else happens?"  
  
"Ugh...no...I'm...I can't remember" Dee said  
  
"Alright Detective Laytner, let's take this slow. Would you like a break?"  
  
"Yeah, that'll be great"  
  
"TOO BAD! You're way over your head now...if you don't hurry and tell me more, I may not be able to help you...do you want that to happen?" Rose said as he gave Dee a scowl.  
  
"Doc...I'm not crazy"   
  
"That's not the issue at hand Detective...would you like me to diagnose you with a disorder? After all, everyone thinks you're nuts...my word is LAW you know."   
  
"You bastard..." Dee growled as hand cuffs came out from the sofa and trapped him.  
  
"Welcome to the Matrix, Mr. Laytner."   
  
[Narrator: Dee]   
  
"Fools...what makes you think it'll be that easy?" A hidden figure in the shadows whispered as it watched the gang through its magic mirror. "Eliminate them but bring me the man-wolf...ALIVE." With a wave of its hands, a swarm of pastries flew after their adversaries.  
  
Running through the fields of flowers and taking cover behind boulders of sorts, Rose-Wolf and the gang gasped as a swarm of cookie bees ganged up on them. Shouts of anger and cries filled the air as Rose-Wolf and the gang were surrounded.   
  
"Look! There it is, Diana's Den! SPLIT UP!!!" Rose-Wolf shouted as he grabbed Ryo's hands and started to run to Diana's Den. Groups A, B, and C all ran in different directions, fighting off the killer bees. No matter how hard they ran or tried to group up together again, one fight after another everyone were kept from uniting. The pastries kept coming after all of them, causing the teams to engage in battles:  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Rose-Wolf and Ryo surrounded by the bees:  
  
"I'll protect you Ryo!" Rose-Wolf replied as he grabbed Ryo to him and hugged him tight. Bear-hugging him, Rose-Wolf aimed his gun at the cookies and started shooting while he molested Ryo with his other arm. Struggling to break free, Ryo tried to push Rose-Wolf but was saved when a shoe knocked Rose onto his back.  
  
"Didn't I tell you Ryo was my babe?" Dee shouted, causing Ryo to sweat drop and laugh nervously.  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Ted and Drake back to back:  
  
"Man, this wreaks..." Ted snorts as he rubs his snout.  
  
"Yeah...hey, I'm getting hungry...what about you?" Drake oinks as he rubs his bulging belly.  
  
"Dude, you thinking what I'm thinking?"  
  
"Yeah...let's get 'em!"  
  
Ted and Drake shouted in unison as they jumped in the air and shot milk from their guns to the cookie bees, while Carol Pick Pocket Hood and the Bikky-Bread Man sneaked their way into the castle.  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
JJ protecting Dee from the front:  
  
"Don't worry my hunny bunches of fruits! I'll protect you!" JJ declared as he blasted a pastry that came at him. Using his last shot, JJ sighed as a couple thousand more halted directly in front of him. "Uh, Dee-senpai..."  
  
Annoyed, Dee pushed JJ into the bees and started walking away while JJ's shouts of "ow!" and "that hurts!" went through one ear and out the other.  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Finally, after a battle that seemed like hours, the gang reached the front entrance of Diana's Den and became entranced. There the Den stood...a treasure of sweets and yummies to fill everyone's tummy galores. From corner to corner, you could see gum drops, chocolate, candy, lollipops...all sorts of goodies that were bad for your teeth.  
  
Entranced, everyone stared and lost themselves in their fantasies...all of a sudden, everyone was warped into a cloudy atomosphere where the sky was a peachy-orange , with a rainbow waterfall. It was Candy Land...everywhere you looked, everywhere you stepped, you were rewarded with rare treats whether you've been good or bad.  
  
Shouting in happiness, everyone ran to taste paradise. (Imagine something like Willy Wonka's candy place w/the chocolate river -) Popping out of a field of sour skittles, Rose-Wolf could be seen, throwing the rainbow drops from his outstretched arms. Spreading his arms and spinning around slowly, the man-wolf became lost in a field that glittered like gold under the scorching sun.  
  
Moving along to a rainbow waterfall, the Three NYC Pigs could be seen relaxing in a pool of s. JJ floating on a lifesaver, Drake swishing his hoove back and forth in the water, and Ted spitting the rainbow water from his mouth like a fountain.   
  
Finally, two lovers can be seen under a tree of--  
  
[The Present: Agent Rose and Dee]  
  
"No Mr. Laytner...I'm afraid not. If you know what's good for you, you'll cooperate. It's Rose-Wolf and Ryo, not Dee and Ryo...Rose-Wolf and Ryo."  
  
"No...I won't! This is my story, and my story it's going to be!" Dee shouted as he struggled to break free from his prision chair.   
  
"It's no use to fight...I'm too strong for you...Do you hear that Mr. Laytner? It's the will of the Matrix." Rose smirked.  
  
"Heh...too bad...I already took the red pill!" (Was it the red or the blue pill? I don't remember)  
  
[Narrator: Dee]   
  
Anyways:  
  
Finally, two lovers can be seen under a tree of fruits. Two men are under the shade, a dark-hair handsome rogue relaxing with his head in his lover's lap while he's being fed the Fruits of Eden. The sandy hair man reached down to give his lover a kiss. Their lips almost touched until--  
  
"What are you bozo's doing?" the Bikky-Bread Man scowled as he crossed his arms. "Don't you know we have more important things to do then sit around and day dream? Sheesh, and you call yourselves adults!"  
  
Snapping out of their daydreams, everyone shook their heads, clearing their thoughts.   
  
"Hehehhehehe well, all adults do have their fantasies!" Carol Pick Pocket Hood said as she came to Bikky's side. Sweat-dropping, Rose-Wolf and everyone else rubbed their heads as they laughed nervously. Clearing his throat, Rose-Wolf and the gang took one last look at the beauty around them. This was it...the final moment when they would all enter the enemy's lair, knowing they'd all might not make it back. Staring at one another, the gang nodded their heads and proceeded to the entrance.  
  
"This is it guys...the moment we've all been waiting for. Let's go catch an outlaw!" Rose-Wolf announced as he and the gang ran for the door to Diana's Den.  
  
"If you're that willing to become treats, then so be it...Let the show begin" Sly blue eyes glowed as laughter echoed throughout the Den, causing Rose-Wolf and the gang to sneeze.  
  
[The Present: Agent Rose and Dee]  
  
"I refuse to tell you anymore!" Dee snared as he slowly broke the lock of the hand cuff.  
  
"Well then Mr. Laytner, if you continue to resist, I'll just have to--"  
  
"Ah quit your bitchin' already!" Kit replies. "ENOUGH with the Matrix crap, you're wasting my computer time!"  
  
"Hey now! Don't you take that tone with me young Lady!"  
  
"Look here bud!" Stabs a finger into Rose's chest. "I ain't got all day. I have another chapter to write here so you best hurry on up and finish your damn lines, capiche?"  
  
"Fine...Well then Mr. Laynter, if you continue to resist, I'll just have to...uh, Dee?"  
  
Looking down, Rose and Kit find a letter:  
  
"If you want your story, you'd better pay me my ransom: Ryo"  
  
-Dee Laytner  
  
############################################################################  
  
Moral of the Day: When your computer crashes, bust your ass and write your chapters as quick as you can!  
  
Hi guys! This is exhausting work...my computer is still down so now I have to run back and forth to the public library and do my stuff there...sheesh, I'm beat...I want a new computer dammit! Anywase, I know, I know...I was kinda just throwing a bunch of crap together but hey, I thought it turned out good...if you didn't, well then, read it and weep! Hahhahahha jeez, I'm really blabbering.  
  
And I'm sorry to disappoint you guys a bunch...I promised you guys 2 chapters but I'm pretty much beat...I've spent all my energy to try and write this chapter as quick as I can. You can cuss me out later or shoot me or whatever but the point is, I can only do so much at a time. And if I have to go back and forth to the library, so be it! Besides, it's really hard to put this story together, since I'm like mixing and matching...but, I do put in the effort to please you guys. If you have any complaints, feel free to flame me or whatever...you just won't receive a response anytime soon since I need a new computer. Oh yeah, DONATIONS are welcome! - Hahhahhahah til next time! 


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